Thursday, January 8, 2015

Pick-up lines from *&^%

A friend of mine once asked a group of girls to be honest about being hit on.  She said, “I don’t care if a homeless man has just climbed out of the garbage dump, if he whistles at you, you still think, ‘Yeah, I still got it.’”  Many argued with her,  but I laughed and agreed.  #issues

Yesterday I was leaving a store after having been fitted for my 24th bridesmaid dress.  That’s another blog, but just know I’m trying to catch up with Katherine Heigl.  I walked out of the store and two men walked by and one said, “I like your trunk.”  I looked around because I was not in a car nor was I near my car.  The man grinned at me and I tugged my shirt down.  My friend Eric asked me if I had on an elephant costume.   Seeing as how I do not normally leave the house (or stay in the house) in my Dumbo costume,  the answer was “no.”
I started to think about other times I have been “hit on” or stories my friends have shared. 

Recently my friend Haley was hit on by an older man  in Thailand.  He asked her to come die with him.  Was this his version of The Notebook?

Let’s not forget the cross-cultural approach: the one-legged Russian war vet who asked my boyfriend at the time if he could borrow me for the night.  Um, no.  

Or what about the carload of guys who pulled up to me on campus and asked if I, “got down with the brown?”  Jesus, take the wheel.  

Here, however, is my all time favorite.  This is where my brother-in-law or fellow New York City Cru friends would say, “You’re an idiot.”  I spent a few summers in NYC with Cru and there was a lovely OLD Pakistani man who worked the front desk/entrance to the building.  Sweet old man.  First mistake was to think old=sweet.  He brought me gifts, asked me to dinner and I said, “Please bring your wife.”  (Here I will note that I almost said, “Please bring your wife, Papaw.”) He did not want to bring his wife.  He wanted another wife.  

It’s a jungle out there, women.  Stay strong and away from old men.


I would love to hear your best, “Did he just say that?” story, because we all need to laugh a little more.

4 comments:

kristinwithani said...

Hm, I honestly think I'd just be happy to be hit on!

Though there was the guy at the Fair this year....

Cheyenne said...

I was taking the Greyhound back from DC last April, when this young guy sitting next to me at the bus station turned and asked me "Do you want to go have sex in the bathroom"...I just laughed at him...probably more than it was funny. But come on....who does that?!

Chastin Chadwick said...

That time a homeless man sketched my face in detail from across the room...then presented it to my boyfriend and me. Speechless.

Allison said...

Mine was a while back. I was about 9 (i looked more like I was 16), and my mom and I were spending a long weekend at a water-park/ conference hotel in Michigan. It was our last night, and I had just finished a nice swim in one of the hotel's quieter pools. My mom and I got into the elevator with another man who was about 30 or so, who I think had been in the hot tub, when the elevator stops two floors later. These two elderly gentlemen, who could have been Waldorf and Staler's body doubles, get in the elevator. They look at me still dripping wet from the pool, look at the younger gentleman, and proceed to ask exactly what were we doing in the pool. They then made the comment that they didn't think that we had been swimming, that we had been doing something else. One of the older heehaws asked the gentleman if I was a "fiesty-young-thing" because I looked it, and that if he had been 30 years younger I would have been in trouble. The dude just smiled!

Y'all my MOTHER was right there the whole time and she said NOTHING..... I don't think she remembers this. I just remember being mortified!

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